Monday, March 28, 2011


Checking in to a Holiday Inn Express on the outskirts of Cincinnati, I was asked by the woman behind the counter, "What brings you to our area?"
I couldn't tell her the truth.
This is the reason for driving instead of flying - I don't want to be x-rayed, I don't want the third degree from an interrogator in orange-framed glasses.
I could ask, Why do you want to know?
But, it's really none of her business. Really. None.
But the Holiday Inn Express cinnamon rolls could have something to do with it.

It's research. The blog needs this; I am compelled by duty.
Anecdotal information is too personal, subject to personal interpretation and exaggeration.
We need empirical information: facts, figures, data that can be proved, something to hang on to.

• Cinnamon roll sampled at 8:42 am, Eastern time, March 27, 2011. Subject was sitting in a custom, plastic formed cinnamon roll pan under a warming lamp.
• Visual inspection shows acceptable subject, unobjectionable temperature; layers articulated on examination revealing structure and composition.
• Final analysis demonstrates that, even with all requisite components present, there just isn't much there there.
• Final rating: mediocre: 4.373103

Roll: 2.3345
Icing: 2.48
Cinnamon: 2.37
Lateral acceleration: 7.8G
Amplitude: 9
Latitude: 39 degrees, 9' 42" N
Longitude: 84 degrees, 27' 24" W
Attitude: + 5
Gratitude (free breakfast bar) + (thanks, Holiday Inn Express: a clean, bright place; the CR is a well-intentioned though ultimately token gesture
Breakfast food: .07
Method of ingestion: chewed
Sunflower Tally: 0
Hyun® Paper Crane Quotient: 0
Calcium: (for bones) 2.334
Iron: (for steel) 9.2
• pervasive and exotic Kentucky accents
little league team in Dodger uniforms; players push and shove so that we, the public, don't have to.
aggressive toddler at large careened about with handfuls of fried egg, powdered donut and cinnamon roll clenched in wet fists, extruded between fingers in play-dough mode.
Blogosphere: here.